Everybody has a family, whether they know it or not, but what I'm talking about right now is my family on my dads side, not that my mums side isn't great, but they aren't really blog worthy. Odd is probably the best way to describe my family, but we are exactly the same as each other, this is a family built on generations of lame jokes, which is most definitely the reason my blog is so fantastic, also a vast majority of us are musical types, we can make one epic band, but i play nothing.
At a family gathering hell would usually break loose, for anybody within a mile of us all they are able to do is groan, because of a large amount of guitars many people start playing guitars and we try to play songs that we can sing along to, but nobody will ever know the actual lyrics, so we say random words to the tune of the song, and it always ends up as a string of puns that could make a grown man cry, we have slaughtered so many classic song that Justin Beiber dislikes our singing, and to the Beibster fans, NO, Justin Beiber does not have a good taste in music.
As any good family does, we mock each others mistakes, but one time I remember that mocking me went horribly wrong, we were all siting in a circle playing our songs from hell when i stood up to go somewhere, while walking away I tripped over a little bit I was staying stable but I went to grab a solid object to stop me from falling over, but just before I grabbed it I realised it was a huge cactus so I didn't grab it. But then my cousin saw what I did and wanted to show everybody else by mimicking me in a mocking manner, but what she didn't realise is I didn't actually touch the cactus, so then her hand was bleeding everywhere and I was laughing at the irony of everybody mocking her for mocking me, because yes, we mock each other whilst blood is involved, we are cool like that.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Monday, 28 March 2011
A&H productions
So I haven't posted in a while so i decided to litereally start typing and see what I can crap out.
I have decided to tell you the story of how my business came to be, for those who don't know I have a smoke machine and lights that I rent out. It all started in august last year, I was running the light show for my schools musical production, it was seussical, one night before the show began I had the idea of putting the smoke machine in the lighting box and flooding it with smoke, surprisingly the teachers agreed that is was a good idea, and helped me set it up, within 10 minites we had fogged the whole room to a point of being completely blind, that was the point when I decided I wanted a smoke machine.
For weeks I talk and talked about my desire for a smoke machine, until I met my current business partner Nick Homewood, I mention how much I wanted a smoke machine and Nick then shared my desire, so we went splits in a smoke machine, then realised we have a smoke machine, but no idea what to do with it, because being a teenager I had thought nothing through...
the owning of a smoke machine made us want to party, so we partied, a lot, by the end of our partying I thought I was going to die but it geve me an idea, teens love to party, I love to party and the smoke machine made everything Epic, and thus we became A&H productions.
Bruce willis was a ghost the whole time.
I have decided to tell you the story of how my business came to be, for those who don't know I have a smoke machine and lights that I rent out. It all started in august last year, I was running the light show for my schools musical production, it was seussical, one night before the show began I had the idea of putting the smoke machine in the lighting box and flooding it with smoke, surprisingly the teachers agreed that is was a good idea, and helped me set it up, within 10 minites we had fogged the whole room to a point of being completely blind, that was the point when I decided I wanted a smoke machine.
For weeks I talk and talked about my desire for a smoke machine, until I met my current business partner Nick Homewood, I mention how much I wanted a smoke machine and Nick then shared my desire, so we went splits in a smoke machine, then realised we have a smoke machine, but no idea what to do with it, because being a teenager I had thought nothing through...
the owning of a smoke machine made us want to party, so we partied, a lot, by the end of our partying I thought I was going to die but it geve me an idea, teens love to party, I love to party and the smoke machine made everything Epic, and thus we became A&H productions.
Bruce willis was a ghost the whole time.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
High-top Short-shorts
being the cool kid that I am I can't help but notice the latest fasion trends, and being a male I can't help but noticed what the girls are wearing as pants (yes, I'm aware that my girlfriend follows me, sorry aout that one), so when something violates the common sense laws behind both these areas, I feel obliged to make a point about it, these high top short shorts, or whatever they are called, I will use the acronym HTSS to save time.
so yeah HTSS are terrible the idea of short shorts are to show off what you got, and if you don't want to show off what you got then you wear normal shorts, but people seem to think that going the opposite way does the same thing, being a male and assuming that the reason you wear said HTSS is to attract said males, let me stop this embarrasment, wearing short shorts that hike up to your belly button repels males, I would just like to thank you for wearing them because it helps me stay extra loyal to my current girl, please keep up the bad work until I'm back on the market, thank you.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
so yeah HTSS are terrible the idea of short shorts are to show off what you got, and if you don't want to show off what you got then you wear normal shorts, but people seem to think that going the opposite way does the same thing, being a male and assuming that the reason you wear said HTSS is to attract said males, let me stop this embarrasment, wearing short shorts that hike up to your belly button repels males, I would just like to thank you for wearing them because it helps me stay extra loyal to my current girl, please keep up the bad work until I'm back on the market, thank you.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Japan
I would like to send my best thoughts out to Japan, its such a terrible disaster with this flood, its actually pretty good for the water pokemon but please donate to the Fire and rock pokemon fund today and help out the less fortunate types. I'm not an insensitive person even if i did cross a line with a pokemon joke, but hey, who among us hasn't thought, uh oh Japan is in danger, but what about the pokemon? see I'm only equally bad as everybody else.
Now to a more serious where ever there is death its usually a touchy subject but for some reason the Japan tragedy isn't, a whole country is under water and all I'm hearing from everybody is, well they bombed pearl harbor 70 years ago so lets let them drown now and oh god 150 Australians are somewhere in japan. This is not OK yes there are Aussies there and its tragic but there are a few million Japanese people also, what about them? and pearl harbor happened 70 freaking years ago, let it go, you already got a pretty awesome movie out of it. another thing about this is... hold on ::CONTROVERSY ALERT:: is that many thousands of people are dying in japan right now and i can make all the jokes i want, but people would get pissed of at me for even mentioning the world trade center, and that was 10 years ago.
So i just wanted to point out that the world is stupid for thinking that what is happening in japan is nothing, and that its not Godzilla either.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Now to a more serious where ever there is death its usually a touchy subject but for some reason the Japan tragedy isn't, a whole country is under water and all I'm hearing from everybody is, well they bombed pearl harbor 70 years ago so lets let them drown now and oh god 150 Australians are somewhere in japan. This is not OK yes there are Aussies there and its tragic but there are a few million Japanese people also, what about them? and pearl harbor happened 70 freaking years ago, let it go, you already got a pretty awesome movie out of it. another thing about this is... hold on ::CONTROVERSY ALERT:: is that many thousands of people are dying in japan right now and i can make all the jokes i want, but people would get pissed of at me for even mentioning the world trade center, and that was 10 years ago.
So i just wanted to point out that the world is stupid for thinking that what is happening in japan is nothing, and that its not Godzilla either.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Friday, 11 March 2011
Fitted sheets
If you haven't had this problem you haven't slept on a fitted sheet, the problem I'm talking about is how no matter how much effort you put into putting on a fitted sheet, its never actually on our bed in the morning. does everybody else have the same amount of trouble with sheets as me? I seem to move around just a little bit while I sleep, but the way my sheets react it looks like I break dance (note film self while I sleep to see if i break dance). So every time i wake up I'm basically laying on my bed without a sheet, which really ruins my sleep in. I almost have to wake up at 1:00pm *gasp*.
Another problem I seem to have with fitted sheets is that I can never be bothered to fix it up in the morning. which puts me in a bad situation when i go to sleep. Let me paint you a picture, I stumble into my bedroom going to bed and see a mess of a bed with a crumpled sheet in the middle, being tired as i am i kinda just put my legs into the back corners and then grab the front with my hands, having not thought this through i just kinda go spread eagle trying to match the sheet to the bed, after a great amount of struggling about i realize I'm not doing anything so I just try and do one corner at a time the first one goes on fine until i go for the second, when the first one pops off so I finish the second corner and try to do the first one again, so the second one pops off. At this point I'm to tired to care anymore so i just wrap the sheet around me because I'm smaller than the bed. and fall asleep
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Another problem I seem to have with fitted sheets is that I can never be bothered to fix it up in the morning. which puts me in a bad situation when i go to sleep. Let me paint you a picture, I stumble into my bedroom going to bed and see a mess of a bed with a crumpled sheet in the middle, being tired as i am i kinda just put my legs into the back corners and then grab the front with my hands, having not thought this through i just kinda go spread eagle trying to match the sheet to the bed, after a great amount of struggling about i realize I'm not doing anything so I just try and do one corner at a time the first one goes on fine until i go for the second, when the first one pops off so I finish the second corner and try to do the first one again, so the second one pops off. At this point I'm to tired to care anymore so i just wrap the sheet around me because I'm smaller than the bed. and fall asleep
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Infinite Madness
So as most people know, I am lame, my lameness probably originally stemmed from when I was just a little tyke. You know that thing at the start of jackass that said "don't try this at home", well that meant nothing to me being a kid, what I saw was "you don't have the guts" so as any kid would I got together my brothers and close friends and started a crew...
Now we originally called our crew "Homemade Dickheads" being only about 11 I was innocent and had no idea what it meant so I thought it was a pretty awesome and giggled when anybody said the name because anything to do with genital’s is hilarious, it was great we represented push bikes, jumped over holes over half a meter long and never really landed anything because stacking is funnier then genuinely landing anything, after about a year of jumping of piers into water because we are badasses we decided to change the name, every other person in the crew wanted to call it "Public Disturbance" I found this a bad name because we didn't actually disturb anybody, or even get in there way, which was weird because we acted like we were a gang and everything.
So we called ourselves "Infinite Madness" because we were clearly crazy and stuff, we went on for another half a year, in which I think I successfully landed about 4 jumps on my BMX, like a boss. Then we just kinda faded away and stopped, and that was the last anybody ever heard of Infinite Madness, not that anybody ever heard of Infinite Madness.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Now we originally called our crew "Homemade Dickheads" being only about 11 I was innocent and had no idea what it meant so I thought it was a pretty awesome and giggled when anybody said the name because anything to do with genital’s is hilarious, it was great we represented push bikes, jumped over holes over half a meter long and never really landed anything because stacking is funnier then genuinely landing anything, after about a year of jumping of piers into water because we are badasses we decided to change the name, every other person in the crew wanted to call it "Public Disturbance" I found this a bad name because we didn't actually disturb anybody, or even get in there way, which was weird because we acted like we were a gang and everything.
So we called ourselves "Infinite Madness" because we were clearly crazy and stuff, we went on for another half a year, in which I think I successfully landed about 4 jumps on my BMX, like a boss. Then we just kinda faded away and stopped, and that was the last anybody ever heard of Infinite Madness, not that anybody ever heard of Infinite Madness.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
My day today
Today was a good day, because I didn't really have to go to school BOO YAH. Why did I not have to go to school you ask? I was at my districts swimming sports, I competed in the 200m freestyle where I came forth, don’t ask how many people were in the event I just came forth.
so after I had done all my swimming for the day I was on my way home, while at the train station waiting for my train I saw 2 things, one of them was a guy in a red shirt, blue overalls and had a red cap, but Mario is actually irrelevant to the story, the other thing I saw was the weirdest construction crew I have ever seen working on the station, there was one guy who wasn't really doing anything, he was just looking at the other guys but he was the supervisor so that is normal. The second guy was doing nothing more than drilling the concrete, i just stared and wondered what he was doing, but not as much as I wondered what the third guy was doing. the answer to that was nothing, he had a hammer and was smacking the ground with it, no more, no less.
then the last fantastic bit of my day is when I got home I went on the internet as any blogger would and saw the news, the first headline that came up was, "CUT SHORT, hairdresser attack leaves man with half an afro"... what? how could that even happen, surely if your running at a man with scissors and you plan to attack him you wouldn't cut off half his afro, there was a picture of the guy with half an afro also, its kinda perfectly in half and its not jaggered at all, if its a hairdressing attack then you wouldn't have time to cut his afro perfectly in half its not like it could go like "YEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHH, and a little more of the sides, and were done" no what i think is more likely is that the man with a afro walked into a hairdresser and said "you wanna make the news? Because I sure hate having a sensible haircut and I have an idea"
no half afro man, shame on you.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
so after I had done all my swimming for the day I was on my way home, while at the train station waiting for my train I saw 2 things, one of them was a guy in a red shirt, blue overalls and had a red cap, but Mario is actually irrelevant to the story, the other thing I saw was the weirdest construction crew I have ever seen working on the station, there was one guy who wasn't really doing anything, he was just looking at the other guys but he was the supervisor so that is normal. The second guy was doing nothing more than drilling the concrete, i just stared and wondered what he was doing, but not as much as I wondered what the third guy was doing. the answer to that was nothing, he had a hammer and was smacking the ground with it, no more, no less.
then the last fantastic bit of my day is when I got home I went on the internet as any blogger would and saw the news, the first headline that came up was, "CUT SHORT, hairdresser attack leaves man with half an afro"... what? how could that even happen, surely if your running at a man with scissors and you plan to attack him you wouldn't cut off half his afro, there was a picture of the guy with half an afro also, its kinda perfectly in half and its not jaggered at all, if its a hairdressing attack then you wouldn't have time to cut his afro perfectly in half its not like it could go like "YEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHH, and a little more of the sides, and were done" no what i think is more likely is that the man with a afro walked into a hairdresser and said "you wanna make the news? Because I sure hate having a sensible haircut and I have an idea"
no half afro man, shame on you.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
My Friend Ben
Today I was informed by a friend of something embarrassing that happened to him and wanted to keep it private, so this is just between you and me whoever reads or forwards my blog. This story sounds like its straight out of a rom com (romantic comedy) but it did happen, which is fantastic.
so my friend Ben was with his girlfriend it was actually the day he asked her out and they were going to her house to hang out, I am a third person so I was a little kept out of the loop, but not much, so yeah they were walking down the road to her house when she say's "i think nobody is home" still I am a third person but if i heard those words I would have been excited... but then it started to go wrong, the next words to come out of her mouth were "I think I forgot my key, yep I forgot my key, we are going to have to break in", sure this couldn't have been to much of a problem because she would obviously know how to break into her house.
when they got to her house she tells Ben to go in through her brothers room, now I know there going out and all but I would not have done that, you know why, if its her house she is allowed to, if its not my house it is illegal. But Ben did it anyway because he wanted to be nice.
Ben then informed me that "once I was in the house I bent over to pick up my stuff and when I looked up... her mum was standing there" now if you ask me when meeting a girls parents it is not ideal to have to explain why YOU ARE STEALING STUFF FROM HER BROTHER. as any sane human would at this stage, Ben freaked out, he mumbled something incoherent then ran to his girlfriend to get her to explain.
I kid you not this actually happened, why am *I* telling you, well Ben doesn't have a blog and this has to reach the internet and I got to it first, and Ben I'm sorry but people have to know.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
so my friend Ben was with his girlfriend it was actually the day he asked her out and they were going to her house to hang out, I am a third person so I was a little kept out of the loop, but not much, so yeah they were walking down the road to her house when she say's "i think nobody is home" still I am a third person but if i heard those words I would have been excited... but then it started to go wrong, the next words to come out of her mouth were "I think I forgot my key, yep I forgot my key, we are going to have to break in", sure this couldn't have been to much of a problem because she would obviously know how to break into her house.
when they got to her house she tells Ben to go in through her brothers room, now I know there going out and all but I would not have done that, you know why, if its her house she is allowed to, if its not my house it is illegal. But Ben did it anyway because he wanted to be nice.
Ben then informed me that "once I was in the house I bent over to pick up my stuff and when I looked up... her mum was standing there" now if you ask me when meeting a girls parents it is not ideal to have to explain why YOU ARE STEALING STUFF FROM HER BROTHER. as any sane human would at this stage, Ben freaked out, he mumbled something incoherent then ran to his girlfriend to get her to explain.
I kid you not this actually happened, why am *I* telling you, well Ben doesn't have a blog and this has to reach the internet and I got to it first, and Ben I'm sorry but people have to know.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Monday, 7 March 2011
Gaming
Now I am a massive gamer, I’m so much of a gamer that I like to purchase my games from India just so I can pay in rupee and be like link. I’m so into games it takes a hookshot to draw me away from them, enough of the legend of zelda jokes though.
what annoys me these days though is they are addressing games like it an illegal drug, I’m hearing all around the place that people are dying because they are playing video game addiction, what’s bad is that they are calling it an addiction, seriously? What the hell? THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN KIDS NOT DOING ANYTHING, the fact is no matter what you do kids don't do anything anyway, you know why, kids don't like doing things, that is why Facebook is such a good industry, procrastinating is just what we like to do, if we didn't have video games we would simply find something else to do so we don't have to do what we are meant to do, its simple.
Don’t play games for kids losing there life, because everybody knows that the smart gamers stock up on cheeto's and mountain dew before hitting ventrilo.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
what annoys me these days though is they are addressing games like it an illegal drug, I’m hearing all around the place that people are dying because they are playing video game addiction, what’s bad is that they are calling it an addiction, seriously? What the hell? THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN KIDS NOT DOING ANYTHING, the fact is no matter what you do kids don't do anything anyway, you know why, kids don't like doing things, that is why Facebook is such a good industry, procrastinating is just what we like to do, if we didn't have video games we would simply find something else to do so we don't have to do what we are meant to do, its simple.
Don’t play games for kids losing there life, because everybody knows that the smart gamers stock up on cheeto's and mountain dew before hitting ventrilo.
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Classics: My opinion on things #9
Hello fans of my opinion. And if your not a fan why don't you just piss off now. it's been a while since I shared my opinion so I figure why not address an issue that has been around for a while.
Christianity. GOT YA, nah, but could you imagine if I was like that.
TEEN "SUPERSTARS" now i definitely not the first person to blog about them and sure as hell am not gonna be the last. but i am just so freaking sick and tired about hearing whether Justin Beiber Cut his hair or not, seriously the world is constantly falling apart the hair of "the Beibster" (or whatever you want to call him) doesn't matter. Beetedubs I recently got a huge haircut down to about a centimetre short and all i got was "Did you get a haircut?" to which i reply "no I'm just going bald in instalments" OF COURSE I GOT A FREAKING HAIR CUT IT WAS ABOUT A METER LONG BEFORE. Any way I got a bit distracted it is a well known fact that the only talent biebs has is the fact that he must have a constraint on his genitalia (whatever it may be) that gives him a high voice. So beibster is a big thumb down from me.
The next "superstar" I would like to attack over the internets would be the young Willow Smith before I actually complain about her I would like to start with the name. I'm sorry Will I'm a huge fan of yours but seriously, Willow? That’s just your name with "OW" on the end which is kinda convenient because it lets me know that SHE BRINGS PAIN (beetedubs I came up with that joke as I went along, I'm pretty proud of it). Secondly the only reason you’re famous is because of Will. I'm sure if i went and made a video clip about in which way I "whip my hair" then it would only make it as far as YouTube (probably because I just got a haircut, SEE its all one big circle)
i only have one complaint about Ke$ha now because she is only talentless she doesn't do anything to bad (OMG I know I never thought I would say anything like that). Now I can’t speak for the whole entire world when I say this but my name is spelled with LETTERS not CURRENCY. But other than that I really have no beef with you. Which is odd...?
There are ultimately too many teen stars and too little time so I think its time to wrap up. If you are a teenager do as the teens do. This much fame while being this young can only lead to one thing. and that thing is known as Brittany Spears *shudder* so I don't know about you but I’m just gonna stick to being a smart ass, an ass hole with just a hint of lazy and just stay on my computer and complain about things that I have nothing to do with. LIKE EVERY OTHER TEENAGER. Thank you and goodnight.
Christianity. GOT YA, nah, but could you imagine if I was like that.
TEEN "SUPERSTARS" now i definitely not the first person to blog about them and sure as hell am not gonna be the last. but i am just so freaking sick and tired about hearing whether Justin Beiber Cut his hair or not, seriously the world is constantly falling apart the hair of "the Beibster" (or whatever you want to call him) doesn't matter. Beetedubs I recently got a huge haircut down to about a centimetre short and all i got was "Did you get a haircut?" to which i reply "no I'm just going bald in instalments" OF COURSE I GOT A FREAKING HAIR CUT IT WAS ABOUT A METER LONG BEFORE. Any way I got a bit distracted it is a well known fact that the only talent biebs has is the fact that he must have a constraint on his genitalia (whatever it may be) that gives him a high voice. So beibster is a big thumb down from me.
The next "superstar" I would like to attack over the internets would be the young Willow Smith before I actually complain about her I would like to start with the name. I'm sorry Will I'm a huge fan of yours but seriously, Willow? That’s just your name with "OW" on the end which is kinda convenient because it lets me know that SHE BRINGS PAIN (beetedubs I came up with that joke as I went along, I'm pretty proud of it). Secondly the only reason you’re famous is because of Will. I'm sure if i went and made a video clip about in which way I "whip my hair" then it would only make it as far as YouTube (probably because I just got a haircut, SEE its all one big circle)
i only have one complaint about Ke$ha now because she is only talentless she doesn't do anything to bad (OMG I know I never thought I would say anything like that). Now I can’t speak for the whole entire world when I say this but my name is spelled with LETTERS not CURRENCY. But other than that I really have no beef with you. Which is odd...?
There are ultimately too many teen stars and too little time so I think its time to wrap up. If you are a teenager do as the teens do. This much fame while being this young can only lead to one thing. and that thing is known as Brittany Spears *shudder* so I don't know about you but I’m just gonna stick to being a smart ass, an ass hole with just a hint of lazy and just stay on my computer and complain about things that I have nothing to do with. LIKE EVERY OTHER TEENAGER. Thank you and goodnight.
Classics: my opinion on things #8
Road trips. A man once said it’s the journey not the destination. This man was a liar. I spent 12 hours driving to Sydney just yesterday. And I tell you it was not the finest thing in the world sitting in the car for that long can not be the best part of your trip. And if it is I feel sorry for you and apologize for bringing up what must be painful memories.
Let me start by pointing out that nobody wants to be in that car. If it was only one person it would be fine but no it’s everybody. So for the first half of the trip you’re either sleeping or driving. The driver is currently in hell nobody to talk to nobody to keep him entertained. So all he can really do is A) sit in silence staring at the road or B) swerve the car uncontrollably in hope to wake others up and say "oh man can't sleep huh? Well we could always chat" this is a low point in life.
Secondly. I actually drove to Sydney this time and I had cruise control so it was easy to stay at 110 kph but for every single other person the road doesn't have a clue what there doing. I’m sitting at 110 other than stay on the road that should be my only job with every body else on the same speed right?... WRONG. For some reason the whole 12 hours I was on the freeway. Not one person would just sit on 110 and be happy. In front of me I always have somebody going so slow I got to go around them or crash. And I always have someone behind me trying to kill themselves and take me with them but end up over taking me. And on many occasions I have both causing me to stop or die.
So what I’m saying is a task that is meant to be a task can not be fun. But right now I’m on the highway so I should get off Facebook. toodles
Let me start by pointing out that nobody wants to be in that car. If it was only one person it would be fine but no it’s everybody. So for the first half of the trip you’re either sleeping or driving. The driver is currently in hell nobody to talk to nobody to keep him entertained. So all he can really do is A) sit in silence staring at the road or B) swerve the car uncontrollably in hope to wake others up and say "oh man can't sleep huh? Well we could always chat" this is a low point in life.
Secondly. I actually drove to Sydney this time and I had cruise control so it was easy to stay at 110 kph but for every single other person the road doesn't have a clue what there doing. I’m sitting at 110 other than stay on the road that should be my only job with every body else on the same speed right?... WRONG. For some reason the whole 12 hours I was on the freeway. Not one person would just sit on 110 and be happy. In front of me I always have somebody going so slow I got to go around them or crash. And I always have someone behind me trying to kill themselves and take me with them but end up over taking me. And on many occasions I have both causing me to stop or die.
So what I’m saying is a task that is meant to be a task can not be fun. But right now I’m on the highway so I should get off Facebook. toodles
Classics: My opinion on things #7
Doomsday. The world as we know it is bound to end someday and humanity is doing its best to have a stab at it. Every year you hear some new theory on how we are all going to die. And it’s causing people to kill them selves so I'm here to inform people on why they are stupid for believing in it. Sorry for the insensitivity.
The first time I really started paying attention to doomsday theory's is when the announced how the Mayan calendar ended in 2012. Now I may be wrong here, but maybe it ends in 2012 because they couldn't be bothered to keep predicting the future. Surely after predicting the future for the next 2000 you too would be thinking "well screw this, that'll do" the Mayans must have other things on there mind that carving the future into stone. i looked it up and Mayans were leading the world in language mathematics and were killing every other tribe they must have been busy. or a better reason the guy carving the calendar died or just plum forgot about it.
The next "doomsday" theory that got my attention was the Large Hadron whatsit stupist moment in history. It seems that we wont wait for the death of our planet we will create it ourselves. What was everyone involved with that project thinking? "Hmm this piece of machinery will either not do anything except waste a lot of money, recreate the big bang purely for scientific purposes or create a black hole that will rip our planet to shreds and kill everyone slowly... alright lets give it the go ahead". no scientists, no, bad idea. So everyone freaks out about it and goes crazy and nothing happened.
So there you go everyone the death of us all is complete bullocks and I'm sure doomsday will occur over my dead body (which may be the point) and that everyone should settle down. We don't need to know when we die. It will just happen and all will be well in the world. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to build a shelter for when the zombies are mauling every other sucker in the world.
The first time I really started paying attention to doomsday theory's is when the announced how the Mayan calendar ended in 2012. Now I may be wrong here, but maybe it ends in 2012 because they couldn't be bothered to keep predicting the future. Surely after predicting the future for the next 2000 you too would be thinking "well screw this, that'll do" the Mayans must have other things on there mind that carving the future into stone. i looked it up and Mayans were leading the world in language mathematics and were killing every other tribe they must have been busy. or a better reason the guy carving the calendar died or just plum forgot about it.
The next "doomsday" theory that got my attention was the Large Hadron whatsit stupist moment in history. It seems that we wont wait for the death of our planet we will create it ourselves. What was everyone involved with that project thinking? "Hmm this piece of machinery will either not do anything except waste a lot of money, recreate the big bang purely for scientific purposes or create a black hole that will rip our planet to shreds and kill everyone slowly... alright lets give it the go ahead". no scientists, no, bad idea. So everyone freaks out about it and goes crazy and nothing happened.
So there you go everyone the death of us all is complete bullocks and I'm sure doomsday will occur over my dead body (which may be the point) and that everyone should settle down. We don't need to know when we die. It will just happen and all will be well in the world. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to build a shelter for when the zombies are mauling every other sucker in the world.
Classics: my opinion on things #6 (skipping #5)
Our schools award night. Not so much the celebration itself but the activities that transpired tonight. Not personally I have never been, I know, I know "whoa easy there tiger, who are you to criticize what you haven't attended" but there is reason why I don't go.
It is because I can't be put on the stage to have a room people silently judging you because someone got more "awards" than you did. And mainly the fact that I find it, how you say, BORING. I have considered, from time to time, actually going to it because a good comedian researches his material, but then my super powers that allow me to detect boring or "Harry sense" kick in and keep me away.
Now, here is my problem with what’s wrong with what happens. Year 7 dance... why? This is wrong. Does anybody remember what the first year of high school is like? In primary school they are like kings and queens of their school, and then they come in to the new school and are scared and friendless. Then by the end of the year they have made new friends and have gained confidence... then the dance comes in just to knock them back down again. It is embarrassing about 80% of them don't want to be there, and 95% don't want to be on stage. And I can assure you 99.99999% don't want to get on the freaking stage and dance. Is this a cruel way of putting them in their place or just making them dance for our amusement.
This second problem is specifically to do with tonight is the captains. 2 girl captains and a guy deputy. Now I'm not prejudiced in any way. I'm not sexist and I know nothing about politics but I'm not sure that's how it worked every year we have had a guy and a girl captain. And a girl deputy. I was under the impression that that was the way it was meant to go. With the exception of there being able to be a guy deputy but the guys just not being that great. So here I am trying to figure out why this happened this year. I'm starting to think that this is just a twist like in a new series of "Big Brother". Who knows maybe next year the captains will be bipolar lesbian twins who swap roles with each other every week (that might have been an over reaction).
Anyway that's it for today folks. I hope you share my views on this wonderful occasion. And not spit in my face and tell me I'm stupid. Now that you excellence has been celebrated I hope you enjoy the holidays. Now excuse me while I bath in the joys of not going.
It is because I can't be put on the stage to have a room people silently judging you because someone got more "awards" than you did. And mainly the fact that I find it, how you say, BORING. I have considered, from time to time, actually going to it because a good comedian researches his material, but then my super powers that allow me to detect boring or "Harry sense" kick in and keep me away.
Now, here is my problem with what’s wrong with what happens. Year 7 dance... why? This is wrong. Does anybody remember what the first year of high school is like? In primary school they are like kings and queens of their school, and then they come in to the new school and are scared and friendless. Then by the end of the year they have made new friends and have gained confidence... then the dance comes in just to knock them back down again. It is embarrassing about 80% of them don't want to be there, and 95% don't want to be on stage. And I can assure you 99.99999% don't want to get on the freaking stage and dance. Is this a cruel way of putting them in their place or just making them dance for our amusement.
This second problem is specifically to do with tonight is the captains. 2 girl captains and a guy deputy. Now I'm not prejudiced in any way. I'm not sexist and I know nothing about politics but I'm not sure that's how it worked every year we have had a guy and a girl captain. And a girl deputy. I was under the impression that that was the way it was meant to go. With the exception of there being able to be a guy deputy but the guys just not being that great. So here I am trying to figure out why this happened this year. I'm starting to think that this is just a twist like in a new series of "Big Brother". Who knows maybe next year the captains will be bipolar lesbian twins who swap roles with each other every week (that might have been an over reaction).
Anyway that's it for today folks. I hope you share my views on this wonderful occasion. And not spit in my face and tell me I'm stupid. Now that you excellence has been celebrated I hope you enjoy the holidays. Now excuse me while I bath in the joys of not going.
Classics. My opinion on things #4
Shorts. Personally I'm not one to like shorts, because I only look good in shorts when I'm at the beach. If I'm gonna wear shorts I have to commit to a situation. It goes. URBAN ENVIRONMENT: jeans. HOT AND SANDY: shorts. Either way it goes down sand must be involved for me to get into shorts (pools is the exception).
But the problem with this is. With me only wearing jeans my legs are paler than an albino with a WoW subscription and the only way to fix this is to go outside to a situation where I wear shorts and tan my legs up a bit. But that brings me back to the fact that I don't want to be seen in public with my legs that look like the hair has been attached with a thick layer of PVA glue. So how this will end up is I’m going to have to find a place where I can sit and only have my legs visible. Because if they can’t see my face then it’s only my legs that are embarrassing, not me. And the only thing I have to worry about then is a bunch of short people jumping out of flowers and singing "Ding Dong the witch is dead".
All in all I hate shorts they are not my style, at all. And if going swimming in pants wasn't a ludicrous thing to do then I would because frankly hiding my legs for the rest of my life seems like a good idea. Now if you will excuse me I have to go work on my tan...
But the problem with this is. With me only wearing jeans my legs are paler than an albino with a WoW subscription and the only way to fix this is to go outside to a situation where I wear shorts and tan my legs up a bit. But that brings me back to the fact that I don't want to be seen in public with my legs that look like the hair has been attached with a thick layer of PVA glue. So how this will end up is I’m going to have to find a place where I can sit and only have my legs visible. Because if they can’t see my face then it’s only my legs that are embarrassing, not me. And the only thing I have to worry about then is a bunch of short people jumping out of flowers and singing "Ding Dong the witch is dead".
All in all I hate shorts they are not my style, at all. And if going swimming in pants wasn't a ludicrous thing to do then I would because frankly hiding my legs for the rest of my life seems like a good idea. Now if you will excuse me I have to go work on my tan...
Classics: My opinion on things #3
Narcissism. To me it is one of the best things in the world because I'm the best thing in the world. But people who call me narcissistic kinda annoy me because they don't quite know what it implies.
The word narcissism came from the Greek "Hero" Narcissus. Who had someone fall in love with him but shut said person (doesn't specify gender but kinda suggests male. so the first recorded bromance) down. This person then killed "himself" on Narcissus's doorstep praying to the gods to smite him in someway. As a result Narcissus was to fall in love with the next person he saw. But the next person he looked at was his reflection in the water. Narcissus then looked at his reflection for the rest of his short life after that because he ended himself because he couldn't get with himself.
In short I don't think being up ones self should be considered Narcissism. Maybe Masturbating should be narcissism (which when you think about it would have been a much better idea then killing yourself). if you think you are reasonably great then that is the right thing to believe because the main problem in the world is that nobody respects themselves. So if you are "Narcissistic" give yourself a pat on the back. Go on you know you want to pat yourself on the back you handsome devil... sorry I saw my reflection.
The word narcissism came from the Greek "Hero" Narcissus. Who had someone fall in love with him but shut said person (doesn't specify gender but kinda suggests male. so the first recorded bromance) down. This person then killed "himself" on Narcissus's doorstep praying to the gods to smite him in someway. As a result Narcissus was to fall in love with the next person he saw. But the next person he looked at was his reflection in the water. Narcissus then looked at his reflection for the rest of his short life after that because he ended himself because he couldn't get with himself.
In short I don't think being up ones self should be considered Narcissism. Maybe Masturbating should be narcissism (which when you think about it would have been a much better idea then killing yourself). if you think you are reasonably great then that is the right thing to believe because the main problem in the world is that nobody respects themselves. So if you are "Narcissistic" give yourself a pat on the back. Go on you know you want to pat yourself on the back you handsome devil... sorry I saw my reflection.
Classics: my opinion on things #2
Obsessive Facebookers. I feel as though I speak for everyone when I say "I really, really, really do not care". And I'm certain those whom are your "Besties" don't care either, nor do they want to be told that they are your "Besties" and you love them every freaking day. Just letting those whom do this know, EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU DO THIS.
It’s not just this that annoys me. It’s the people who think that Facebook = Freedom of speech without anybody being able to speak freely back to them. If you post your anger expect anger back. If you post your depression don't expect anything but sympathy. If you think everything you say will get a generally good response and nothing but friends and daisies. Think again. This is the internet. If you don't understand how the internet works. Don’t use it. Trust me as I speak on behalf of the troll community.
Facebook fights. Not necessary. This may stem for my previous point but really. If you start a fight over Facebook be prepared to back it up in person, too often do I see Statuses like.
*Tommy Thompson* - God Frank is such a Fag.
*Frank Franken* - yeah why don't you say that to my face
*Tommy Thompson* - alright bring it
Then the next day they smile at each other have a bit of a giggle but are filled with hatred inside because they know that tonight. It is on in the form of a status.
That is it from me this time. But on second thought please continue doing this. Because I sure as hell get my laugh's at your expense. And BTW if you abuse me in the comments then you know you are one of the people on here. But I do expect criticism because I stick by everything I say. Which makes me better than you.
It’s not just this that annoys me. It’s the people who think that Facebook = Freedom of speech without anybody being able to speak freely back to them. If you post your anger expect anger back. If you post your depression don't expect anything but sympathy. If you think everything you say will get a generally good response and nothing but friends and daisies. Think again. This is the internet. If you don't understand how the internet works. Don’t use it. Trust me as I speak on behalf of the troll community.
Facebook fights. Not necessary. This may stem for my previous point but really. If you start a fight over Facebook be prepared to back it up in person, too often do I see Statuses like.
*Tommy Thompson* - God Frank is such a Fag.
*Frank Franken* - yeah why don't you say that to my face
*Tommy Thompson* - alright bring it
Then the next day they smile at each other have a bit of a giggle but are filled with hatred inside because they know that tonight. It is on in the form of a status.
That is it from me this time. But on second thought please continue doing this. Because I sure as hell get my laugh's at your expense. And BTW if you abuse me in the comments then you know you are one of the people on here. But I do expect criticism because I stick by everything I say. Which makes me better than you.
Classics: My opinion on things #1
The movies. Did you know that the length of a movie use to be an hour. That was the average time. Now the minimum is an hour and a half. And that is bare minimum. Movies are so long that you have to plan your day around it to see one. You may have to not do anything else that whole day.
E.g.
Friend: hey harry want to go see the new jackass
Me: sure but I think I have one small thing to do at 5:00 what time is it.
Friend: the most convenient session is at 2:30.
Me: ooh, its risky I don't know. Hold on let me get my calculator and some note pads and I will see if I can work around what I have to do in order to see this movie.
Don’t act like this doesn't happen to you. If your ever trying to plan for a group of people it is ludicrous it needs to be planned months ahead of time.
It always goes "alright who want to go to the movies on the 15th of next month"
Guy 1 “that may be convenient for me in fact I know I’m booked for the rest of that month"
Girl 1 "I might be working that day I will know closer to the date"
Guy 2 "can we switch it to the 16th I have stuff to do"
Girls 2 " omg I know this is irrelevant but I met this cute guy the other day. As for the movies I don't know. But don't mind me being totally irrelevant and distracting"
Guy 3 "I don’t care, sure 15th why not"
In conclusion. Going to the movies has become a task. And a difficult one at that
E.g.
Friend: hey harry want to go see the new jackass
Me: sure but I think I have one small thing to do at 5:00 what time is it.
Friend: the most convenient session is at 2:30.
Me: ooh, its risky I don't know. Hold on let me get my calculator and some note pads and I will see if I can work around what I have to do in order to see this movie.
Don’t act like this doesn't happen to you. If your ever trying to plan for a group of people it is ludicrous it needs to be planned months ahead of time.
It always goes "alright who want to go to the movies on the 15th of next month"
Guy 1 “that may be convenient for me in fact I know I’m booked for the rest of that month"
Girl 1 "I might be working that day I will know closer to the date"
Guy 2 "can we switch it to the 16th I have stuff to do"
Girls 2 " omg I know this is irrelevant but I met this cute guy the other day. As for the movies I don't know. But don't mind me being totally irrelevant and distracting"
Guy 3 "I don’t care, sure 15th why not"
In conclusion. Going to the movies has become a task. And a difficult one at that
Please Stay Tuned
I am most well known for my work of "My opinion on things". Well good news to my vast group of followers *Cough*, I'm going to post my opinion on here; all the original works of Harry posted on my blog its so exciting. Except number five, it sucked so I’m going to leave it out.
Thank you my loyal followers (yeah right)
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
Thank you my loyal followers (yeah right)
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time
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